The Umbilical Cord

When a child is born, the umbilical cord through which they received everything necessary from the mother in the womb dries up as it is no longer needed. Now the infant is able to suckle milk and develop on their own.

Besides this physical cord, there remains a “psychic” cord — the emotional connection with the mother, for being “fed” acceptance, love, and care.

When a person has been emotionally nourished and matures, psychological maturation is completed, the birth of the adult occurs, and this “psychic” cord also begins to dry up as no longer needed. An adult can now obtain the necessary emotional nourishment for themselves.

It happens that the mother, for various reasons, cannot emotionally nourish the child, give in full measure the love, acceptance, and care needed for maturation. Then the person continues to expect nourishment through their emotional umbilical cord. They try to find someone to “plug” it into, whether a spouse, children, alcohol, a beloved work. At the same time, rarely can any of these “donors” play the role of a “good” mother and satisfy the emotional hunger.

In such cases, psychotherapy makes it possible to complete the maturation process, part with the cord, and stop searching for “donor” relationships. Essentially, it is establishing a relationship with someone who knows how and is able to nourish where needed, to help discover my own resources where needed, and, ultimately, to “stand on my own feet” and not depend on the cord.